Thought I heard screaming last night. After about an hour of frozen listening I realized that it wasn't human. A quick flashback to a top ten video I once saw made me belive it was just a cougar. They must have moved into the closer to the city. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed. Betwixt the feeling of fear I had a small glimmer of hope. That someone else was here.
I've started staying in my room after I get home from school every day. It's lead to mostly boredom, aside from riveting adventures to the kitchen to gather food. My arms felt tired today, just my arms. They hurt to move.
Another day, another person attached to the parasociality of the messages they've shared with me. It doesn't matter much. Things usually don't. Not yet, at least. I'd sat them in my kitchen, said the usual, answered the questions like I did with the last. I'd no issue letting people like that into my home.
The equipment on the table sat there, all of it cleaned properly. I knew what I was doing. I hadn't taken classes, but I'd watched tutorials on YouTube and taught myself by using my own body. Of course it did hurt for a while, but after a bit it became numb. The same as usual.
The lady sitting at my kitchen table that day knew the last man who'd come in. Worked under him, I believe. I'd rather not get into specifics about her, though. She doesn't matter much. Not yet. She'll fulfill her purpose.
I picked up one of those numbing agents and applied it to the woman's brown skin, clean shaven. I then made sure I had everything prepared, continuing to check her skin, preparing myself. I'd done this hundreds of times by now, but it was still somewhat nerve-wracking. I never liked having strangers in my home, but she thought we were friends.
I began tattooing the symbol into her skin, making idle conversation. It was definitely hurting her, but she wasn't complaining. We talked about the end of the world.
I've heard of people going mad in solitary confinement. I wonder if the same effect would happen if they only had a television. Today I watched a whole season of How I Met Your Mother and even though I barely moved for upwards of six hours, I felt refreshed afterwards. Like a sim whose social bar went up. I used to have stints where I'd stay home for a few days without leaving the apartment, but I always had my computer, a tv, my phone. Maybe just simulating human interaction is enough.
It feels almost wistful to not have to worry about the opinions of others. I don't have to have a skin routine anymore because no one will care if my face is clear. My hair grew long enough to bother me and I just cut it off to my comfort level. No style, no shape. Just there. It was hot yesterday and I tried to go out with nothing on. This lasted a total of eight minutes before phantom embarassment got the better of me. I wonder if this is what adam and eve felt like after they ate the apple.
I had a weird dream again. It started off using a computer to play a rudimentary version of minecraft, it had the original graphics but some of the newer additions just with the style of the old graphics. I'm unsure when this switch happened, but suddenly I stopped playing and found myself in a small farm next to a hill with a door on the side. Upon entering the door I was met with a larger room with some halls branching off, the biggest hall being to the left of me, immediately adjacent to the door. Going down it, I was met with a right turn that led to a big open room with rusty/bloody walls and so many corpses I couldn't see the end. I subconsciously figured this was the human farm. I ripped some flesh off one of the corpses to cook and eat for later. I went back out to the main room, where some other people were congregated. The people who ran the human farm came in from the front door, making a bit of a commotion as they entered, but otherwise left to the human farm without a word. They shortly left.
I went outside to cook myself some of the flesh. It tasted okay. I figured it was our only source of meat, so I went back for more later. Something happened and people were talking about the human farm attendants as I got back. Apparently someone noticed that the woman leading them had grown fangs. I was vaguely indifferent. When the attendants returned, I had already cut off an ear of a corpse, but I threw it back cuz I didn't care enough. Some big panic happened, causing everyone to evacuate. We found another hill with a door that would accept our community, but only a portion of it. The rest of us got on a train, with the fanged woman attendant, and left.
There was also the dream before that one that led into it but i dont remember much of it. I remember it was in a mall and I was with Raine and an older lady, and someone at the mall food court got mad at me because they messed up my order.
I've taken to making things. Things with little purpose. I suppose you could call it art. I have an unlimited supply of supplies now. I'm not sure why I'm making them. A part of it feels futile. No one will ever see it. Would it really make a difference if it were here or not? If its purpose is just to be entertained why do I not scrap the parts and use them again like building blocks? I feel oddly sentimental about things that have no value.